Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
