i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
