When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize