he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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