i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
