; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
