i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
