so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
