He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
