the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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