Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
