Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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