just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
