I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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