What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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