I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
