let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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