I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
