Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
