Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
