I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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