my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I deserve this hangover.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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