You can't motorboat a personality
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You left your phone here
Wait...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize