I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
