So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
