BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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