mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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