i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
