I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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