do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
