Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
