i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
