Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
