she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
