if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
