btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
