i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
