yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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