Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize