It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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