That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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