I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i out mim tonsoeep
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
