Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize