if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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