Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
