Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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