He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
