I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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