i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
