smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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