Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
