I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
