I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize