ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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