I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
50% drunk capacity currently
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
