hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
