I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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