He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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