the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize