eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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