I wish I could teleport
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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