shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
