Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
