dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
