Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
