Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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