Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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