What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize