Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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