so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
