rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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