Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
