Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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