I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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